Road Trip

Did I mention that I’m leaving tomorrow morning at 5am with my 2 children and driving to Disneyland (aka the Happiest Place on Earth)? Yeah, just me. Not Jeff (he has to work).  My kids are awesome, but they have been known to be extremely obnoxious. Am I crazy for spending 2 days on the road alone with my children (”we think not”) or am I a good mother for taking them on a fun, summer trip? Hmmmm….good question.  We’ll be staying with the in-laws tomorrow night, meeting up with my aunt, cousin’s family (cousin, preggo wife, and darling son) in the LA-area and then meeting my Ps in Anaheim Friday night.

Now, don’t start taking bets on my sobriety quite yet. I think I’m up to this.

The book for boys

Have you heard of the new book “The Dangerous Book for Boys” by Conn and Hal Iggulden? Do you have a son or sons or a nephew or know a boy? Then go get the book. Now. (Lash and Trudge, I’m talking to you!)

Max received this book from my grandma as an early birthday present and we’re all fascinated by it. It has everything cool and clever a boy could ever dream of learning about: how to build a tree house, US Navy flag codes, the greatest paper airplanes in the world, how to make a battery, books every boy should read, coin tricks, how to make a periscope, how to play poker, marbles, the game of chess, standard and metric measurements, the Declaration of Independence, famous battles, origin of words, and on and on. It’s an amazing book.

Status Quo

Super busy weekend that included my regular Saturday morning meeting, a local (rural) celebration for a 90 year old covered bridge, a BBQ on the deck overlooking the river, 4 kids and a husband at the movies, Abby’s first sleepover, a bracelet for a favored teacher, and the end of the Sopranos. All domestic duties (laundry, dishes, etc.) were completely ignored.

The highlight of the weekend was the movie “Surf’s Up.” Seriously. For some reason, I really loved this movie. The music was great, the concept was cool, and the story fun, and the message was a good one. Definitely worth watching. Sidenote: the younger kids didn’t make it more than 20 minutes, but the two 10 year old boys actually dug it.

Mama Trauma

I’m feeling a little traumatized. First, my daughter (my baby) “graduated” from preschool last night and will be going to pre-K after summer. She’s only 4. Just a baby. Then, I get my son’s packet for church summer camp in the mail. He’s going away to camp for an entire week. Without me. His mama. And I’m not supposed to call unless it’s an emergency. (I wonder what qualifies as an emergency?)

It’s okay. Don’t worry. I won’t drink over it.

Gifts of sobriety

Sometimes, when I’m struggling with life and trying to get my stuff straightened out, I forget to look at the gifts I have received because of my sobriety. Rewards are sometimes small, sometimes profound. Regardless, they are there and they are many. I’m often overwhelmed by my character defects and how much work I still have to do. I have a tendency to concentrate on the negative….is it because I have so much trouble staying present? It’s definitely time for steps 6 and 7. Every once in awhile, it’s a good idea for me to do a quick inventory of my miracles.

Anywho, because I am sober and more dependable than I used to be, I was able to help out at my son’s curriculum/art fair this week. I was able to set up the computers and work with the kids on their Lego robots and discuss with school board members and parents what we’re doing with our enrichment and elective science/math program. How we’re teaching our rural kids about robotics, journalism, technology (basic computing to podcasting), and applied mathematics.

It’s hard to imagine that our successful little school, which is now a thriving part of our community, was being threatened with closure just a couple of short years ago. We have hardcore homeschoolers enrolled in our after school and elective classes. We now have university professors visiting our volunteer classes and trying to determine if our programs can be duplicated and offered to other area schools.

I feel really proud to be part of the success of my son’s school. I feel proud to be the kind of mother he can count on and look up to. That’s what sobriety has done for my family.

It’s funny, too, that just as I was starting to feel a little overwhelmed and sad (it’s a bummer running into a very good friend in the program and she smells like booze), a member of my homegroup (and wife of the guy I was helping out) walks up to me and gives me a big, genuine hug. Just in time….right when I needed it. The program works.

thankful

Today I am thankful for my husband of almost 11 years. We’ve been through a lot in the last 17 years, but we keep coming out okay. I can’t tell you how wonderful it was to spend a few days (alone) with him…just hanging out. It’s funny how daily life, kids, jobs, and the like can make it so easy to forget why you wanted to spend your life with this other person you married. I forget, sometimes, how much I actually like Jeff. How much I genuinely enjoy spending time with him and how much we make each other laugh. I feel blessed that there’s another person in this universe that gets me…that likes me just the way I am. And that we found each other in this hectic world and have chosen to stick out the tough times, hoping for the best.

New Sheriff in Town

file under “childhood memories”

On Wednesday afternoon I volunteer as a computer and newspaper teacher at my son’s (rural) school. During my after school newspaper class I got an urgent call over the intercom to call work. My cell phone doesn’t work in that area so I went to the office, called work and learned that my four year old daughter had a rock stuck up her nose. My parents were picking her up from school and taking her to the emergency room. Why the school didn’t try calling my husband is another issue. Anyway, it all turned out okay. After a little build up of snot and a hard blow of her nose, Abby was able to expel the rock.

Yesterday will forever be known as the day Abby stuck a rock up her nose.

Early morning huddle

Check out our brand new baby chicks. They are about 6 days old and just as cute as can be. The kids are in love. Can’t wait for those fresh farm eggs.

Taking a Trip, Not Taking a Trip

For my birthday (next month) my husband is taking me on a mini-vacation. We’re going to take 4 or 5 days off and drive up the coast, stay the night in a lovely little hotel on the beach and then drive up to Portland and be touristy and visit friends. Without children. Just him and me. Two grown ups. Alone. Woot! We’re going to hang out in Powell’s, browse the Saturday Market, check out the yarn stores, and listen to some live music. I’m so excited!

Always in the middle.

My DH was out of town for a few days and I missed him terribly. Now he’s been back since last night and I can’t wait until he goes away.

***Update: Okay, I’ve stopped being a baby long enough to realize that my own feelings of guilt and inadequacy may have led to my anger towards my husband. Fine. Whatever. Seriously, though, why do I always feel so pulled in different directions? I know I sound like a martyr, but I seem to be stuck in the middle, trying to make everyone happy, but pissing everyone off. I really need to start working this shit out. Argh.

Anonymity vs. Public Recovery

I’ve really been struggling with my not-so-private blog life. I worry that as I become more of an active member of my community and a more productive member of society whether I shouldn’t keep my posts pertaining to alcoholism and my recovery less public. I wonder about how my openness about addiction may have a negative effect on my children, my husband, my parents, my co-workers and friends. I’m very active in my son’s school and teach a couple of classes there…I wouldn’t want parents to be concerned about my recovery and how it might effect their children. On the other hand, my honesty and openness about my alcoholism is a huge part of my recovery. At some point, I’m going to need to resolve this issue with myself. Argh.

In the meantime, I would like to briefly mention that someone I love dearly and have become very good friends with has decided to go back out. She’s a wonderful person that’s had a very difficult life and lives with some daily struggles. Please pray for her. I miss her terribly and hope that she’s safe. I hope that she finds the courage to find her way back.

Where the hell have you been?

• Sick: pneumonia and a hideous strep infection in my lymph nodes (rocked my effing world)
• Celebrating my 2nd sobriety anniversary (3/9!)
• Moving my company (to town we go)
• Going to industry tradeshows (traveling sucks)
• Getting ready to teach a new class at my son’s school (my passion)
• Planning and giving my daughter’s 4th birthday (my angel)
• Getting my head straight and getting back to basics (my recovery)

Yeah, so basically, I had a bunch of crap rolling around my head and was having a really hard time articulating anything, verbally or written. Then a couple rounds with some nasty illnesses and a relapsing friend sent me into a tailspin. Through my higher power’s grace and the unending support of my family, I feel refreshed and excited. There’s really no in-between with me, is there? Oh well. Try hanging out in my head for a little while. Yikes.

Cycles

I’m having a hard time keeping up with my blog (duh). I’m struggling a bit and just have such a hard time articulating how I feel. It’s so much easier to just smile and say every thing’s fine…and hope that no one catches me pushing everything under the carpet. I’m not really afraid that I’ll drink. I’m just afraid that what’s wrong with me can’t be fixed…what if I’m one of the hopeless few that are incapable of being honest? Maybe it’s just part of my mood cycle. Maybe it’s the holidays and the  memory of what an ass I made of myself the last year before I went to treatment. Maybe it’s just easier to feel sorry for myself and be miserable than deal with reality. Who knows.

Bright Happy Skully Necklace

Necklace for Max

My second beading project. I made this one for Max, the boy wonder. He loves bright colors and anything with skulls on it (he’s a little dark, just like mama). So, viola! I present the bright happy skully necklace.

I would like to note that it is sobriety and my relationship with a higher power that allows me to attempt any kind of creative endeavour. Today is a good day.

Here’s a crappy close up shot of the skull beads…argh!

Fall is Here!

I dare you to look at this picture and tell me that I’m not blessed.

Gr8ful

Today, I am particularily grateful for:

1. My mom. She just seems to know when I reach a breaking point.
2. My job. I enjoy what I do and I’m able to be there for my children
3. My son’s school. I never thought I’d say that, but it’s turned into the little school that kicks butt.
4. The beauty of the river and this gorgeous valley I live and work in.
5. The Monday night meeting at the library. Excellent fellowship and conversation.
6. Sobriety. Duh.
7. My sposnor. She’s like an angel.
8. Felted soap. I know, I know…I’m a simple girl.

Oregon Road Trip

Wow. After lviing in Oregon for over 2 years we finally packed up and took our Oregon road trip. We started at the Caves in Cave Junction and drove up the coast stoping here and there for a jet boat ride up the river and playing on the beach, the aquarium, and, finally, ended up in Portland for a day or so. The kids had a great time, as we all did. Unfortunately, my darling husband had to work so he wasn’t able to come. I think it’s a trip that he’ll love and we’ll definitely have to do it again next summer.

Uhm, has anyone else noticed that Portland is a pretty hardcore beer and wine town? Oh my. Don’t worry, though, I’m still sober. In fact, I’m a week away from 18 months…whodda thunk?

Bath time

A moment in time: last night, my son was taking his bath and my daughter was playing with her dolls while keeping him company. My son had his iPod on the speakers and they were listening to the Ramones (the undisputable founders of American punk…ok, fine, IMHO!). I know I’m a silly ole mama, but it made my heart warm to see them dancing and playing and getting along all to the tune of “Sheena is a Punk Rocker.

On another musical note, can you believe that it’s been 29 years since Elvis Presely passed away? I’ll never forget that day. So sad. RIP, Elvis.

Bull Frogs in the Boonies

This last weekend the cub scouts had a cotton candy booth at our annual Bull Frog Festival. We all had a good time. I was struck again by what a wonderful little community we live in and how truly lucky I am to be here and be part of it. I think this whole “staying sober” thing is really gonna work out. To see some of the pictures from our little festival check out my Flickr summer set.