New Beginnings

Abby Loves Hillary
Originally uploaded by rustykeller.

Abby, my mom, my grandma and I went to see Hillary Clinton speak last week. My 5 year old daughter loves the idea that a woman (and mother) might be president…she insisted on seeing Hillary when she was in town even though it was way past her bedtime and she had to wait for quite awhile. The real icing on the cake was when the Senator made eye contact with Abby, smiled and waved. She will remember this night forever.

mbining Seattle’s Seeds of Compassion with a family road trip has to be one of the best idea’s my husband has thrown out in a long time. Armed with our Seattle City Pass, we drove a rental car (much better gas mileage) up to Portland first (Hey, Nik!) and then into Seattle around 8pm Thursday evening. Max and I got up early Friday morning and set off to see His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama and other panelists for a discussion on the social and emotional education of children.  This truly amazing conference kicked off a 5 day family trip of fun, activity, chaos, and family unity (totally not kidding).

Later that day we were surprised to discover our valet parked car had been vandalized and my husband’s Garmin GPS unit stolen. Really, it wasn’t the end of the world, but the hotel’s detached and nonchalant response was a little disturbing. Needless to say, my sheltered little lambs freaked a bit and need some time to talk about what had happened and why someone would steal from us.  Frankly, listening to educators and the Dalai Lama speak for 90 minutes earlier in the day was good preparation for putting everything in perspective.

Can I just say how blessed I feel to be able to one, participate in such an event (I received tickets for the Business forum on Monday also…amazing!) and, two, share it with my son. Truly a gift. My chaotic and loud little monsters were well behaved (relatively) the entire trip and had just too much fun. And the real cake topper was the fantastic time we all had exploring Seattle and being as touristy as possible: Pike’s Market, Woodland Park Zoo, Space Needle (including ridiculously expensive, but tasty dinner), the aquarium, EMP/SFM, and the Pacific Science Center. Vary rarely does one get to take a trip that encompasses so many aspects of who I am: mother, wife, Buddhist, educator, business woman.

Seattle Trip - April 2008

I know I haven’t been posting much and I feel kind of bad about it. The problem is this: there are so many things I want to talk about and there is so little time to get them organized and into a blog post. So i don’t post.  Lame excuse, I know. It is what it is, friends.  Anyway, here’s the bitch of the day:

Recently, my 10 year old son had the chance to see both Barack Obama and Bill Clinton speak at local events. He wasn’t impressed with an obviously tired and often adversarial Obama. My son didn’t like the way the senator chose to spend his time slamming Clinton and not offering solutions. Max, on the other hand, was very impressed by Bill Clinton and all the plans and ideas he illustrated. To be fair, who wouldn’t be in awe of one the best orators of our time (I sure as hell was)? Max wanted to show his support for Hillary by wearing a campaign shirt. Apparently, he was teased and ridiculed by the not-so-tolerant children of Southern Oregon. Go figure. The kids had either jumped on the Obama-wagon (of course, they couldn’t actually tell him why) or were for McCain. In fact, one kid (whose mom is an uninsured, unemployed, untreated alcoholic…look, I’m just saying) told Max that Hillary was going to take away his guns (not get him health care, but take away his fucking guns).  People, if we’re going to brainwash our kids and make them parrot our own rhetoric, let’s at least give them some facts and real data so they don’t end up looking so damn stupid! Since my son has actually seen both Obama and President Clinton, I think he’s possibly more qualified than me to favor one over the other. I would be disappointed if he decided he liked Obama more than Clinton (and glad he’s not old enough to vote), but I would be proud that he made an informed and educated choice.

That being said, I would like to tell you that seeing Bill Clinton speaking not more than 20 feet in front of me was really something to check off my “things to do before I die” list. First, let me just say that he’s a good looking man. I kid you not. Second, let me say that in my heart I truly believe that the Clintons can bring us back to the America of before (before the bubble burst, before I lost my home, before my stocks tanked, before I had to cash in our 401Ks, before my children went to school 4 days a week, before, before, before). I believe that Hillary Clinton can fix some of the wrongs that have been to our country. I believe it.

This past weekend was truly a New Beginning for me. I took refuge with my new Sangha and my teachers Lama Yeshe and Lama Pema. Not only did I find my spiritual home, but I went from a student of Buddhism to a Buddhist student by going for refuge. And, though I’m not a Christian, my family donned their Easter duds and went to church for a lovely hour of fellowship. In this time of global war and hate mongering, it was a joy to spend some time sharing positive ideas and discussing the concept and reality of love in today’s world. I found it refreshing and inspiring.

I was able to get 3 tickets to see Obama on Saturday, but because of my Sangha commitments I gave them to my 10 year old son, my grandma and my mom. And although my family is strongly pro-Hillary, I think it was an amazing experience for Max to participate in.

So I start this work week refreshed and trying to ignore Mr. It’s Not My Fault and his overwhelming negativity in the office. And, for the record, you can call me Karma Yeshe Khandro or Dakini of Primordial Awareness!

On the one day that my village isn’t around to help run my life and take care of my kids, my son needs to be picked up from school. Apparently, he’s come down with some kind of horrible stomachache that prevents him from doing school work for a mere 3 more hours. My only option was to quickly pick him up and park him in the corner of my office. I felt terrible about it (bad Mommy!) until I looked over and realized that I might have been duped. He has his portable DVD player (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles), the dog (the super sweet Gracie May), his favorite sleeping bag, and some Lunchables (usually forbidden in our house because they are disgusting). Hmmmm. I think I’ve been had.

My husband was hit head on last night on the way home from our daughter’s Christmas recital. Aside from a sore shoulder and neck, he’s okay. Our truck isn’t. Thankfully (and I mean that from the bottom of my heart), the children decided to ride with me and the girl that swerved into him didn’t have anyone with her. It would have been bad. Like deadly bad.

I felt like throwing up when I drove up on the accident…all the flashing lights and our new truck on its side. The unrecognizable little car in pieces along the side of the road. And Jeff. Standing there with his tie still straight and his perfect Tommy Bahama pullover without even a scratch. Thank you, God. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.  I am so grateful. Everything can change in just one second. Everything.

And she’s beautiful: Lilac and her big brother, Dariush

Halloween is finally over. We had a week full of festivals, parties, candy and trick-or-treating. Enough candy was consumed to rot any number of teeth, but the good news is that the kids had a wonderful week. Abby was Pikkachu (Pokemon) and Max was the very gory grim reaper (he holds a blood pumping heart in his hand). The two kids pictured with him are his 2 very good friends, a brother and sister. And, I, of course, was the devil. At one point on Halloween, it took 4 cars and 5 adults to transport all the kids to their different activities (YMCA trunk or treat, gymnastics open house, church maze and haunted house, trick or treating in 2 neighborhoods…). So much fun. I love Halloween.

No wonder our kids are being diagnosed left and right with autism, aspergers, ADHD, ADD, and other behaviorial, mental, and learning disorders. Read: Test reveal high chemical levels in kids’ bodies

We had a busy weekend full of normal family stuff. Although, I have to admit that I’m exhausted. I have designed my life in a way that requires help. When my parents are traveling and Jeff works late, I’m basically a screaming mimi. I’m sure I’ve said it before, but it takes a village to raise my kids.

Max went to his first track meet on Saturday and competed in his first race. I was so proud of his determination and attitude. This is a boy that looks like a runner, but gets winded pretty easily. He hates to lose, but he really wants to become a good runner. So he’s doing cross country at school. He also got his first “real” skateboard last week and is practicing every night. He said he was tired of looking like a skater, but not being one. His godmother, Melody (MoMo), says that I must be raising him right since he has no interest in being a poser.

After Max’s meet, I took the kids up to John and Scott’s and checked out their little bird farm. They raise organic, range fed chickens and ducks (and eggs).  Abby had a blast and Max clung to me the whole time (he’s a bit chicken of chickens). We’ll be buying several of their birds for cooking when they’re ready. I don’t eat meat, but the rest of the family does. I’d much rather have them eating chicken from a local organic farm than the grocery store bought meat with orgin unknown.

On Sunday, we went to breakfast with my Grandma. Sadly, my Gram’s sister Helen had passed that morning. Afterwards, I took the kiddos to a local farmer’s market for some whole grains and local fruits and veggies. We when finally made it home we discovered that our flippin’ chickens had finally laid some eggs. And if you ever had farm fresh eggs, you know there’s nothing tastier. And, actually, just like Madge said, the chickens are

a lot easier now that they’re older. It’s so funny to watch those silly birds with Abby. They love her and run to her when she walks by them. She’s my little Animal Girl.

That evening the kids talked the Grumpy Dad (aka Grumpy Husband) into whipping up some

smoothies from some of the fresh fruits we’d picked up at the farmer’s market. Max loves mixing up flavors, so they came up with a kiwi-peach-strawberry-banana smoothie. It was delicious. And other than a little ice and vanilla yogurt, it was all fresh fruit. Yum.

I’m back from our annual (semi-ish) family vacation on the houseboat at Lake Powell. I am refreshed and ready to conquer the world…well, after a little sleep (3 days driving home is exhausting). We had way too much fun. Way, way too much fun. I took almost 500 pictures and they don’t do justice to the beauty we were surrounded by. Below is a quick little video of Max wake boarding. Jeff and I were so proud of him we were like giggly kids watching him.

The fact that I never finished my degree has haunted me for years. Then work, then marriage, then kids, then sobriety, then work, then teaching at my son’s school. All of it has left little time to pick back up and finish my education. So, after much inner struggle and battle I’ve decided that I’m not going to teach at Max’s school anymore. I’ll stay involved, but I’m not going to teach. I’m going back to school. I’m going to take 2 classes a semester on one day every week at the local JC.   I should be able to transfer to the local university fairly soon after making up some classes and getting back into the groove. Whew. That’s big. Fucking huge. I may be crazy, but I’m gonna do it.

I got a very needed kick in the pants after reading Amy Karol’s recent post about greening her family. Although I earn my salary (so-to-speak) as a Marketing Ho Jill-of-all-Trades, most of my education is in environmental biology (hence my passion for Al Gore for the past 18 years). Before I grew old and cynical, I was an idealist that was going to change the world. Now, as a beat up old drunk (in recovery), I just can’t afford to live a mediocre semi-green life. So, instead of actually talking about being an environmentally conscious citizen, I’m taking an aggressive, action-oriented stance on cleaning up my family and our way of life. Realistically and simply. I’m not going for pie-in-the-sky perfection, here….just an honest appraisal of how my family consumes and a plan for making us better. I’m starting with the little things like getting rid of my daughter’s toxic sippy cups and replacing them with a cleaner, safer versions; knitting up some net grocery bags out of some hemp yarn that I already have in my stash; buying all my fruits and vegetable locally; joining the local co-op; using a stainless steel coffee cup instead of paper; and commuting to work at least 2-3 times per week. Below are just a few of the resources I’ve used and thought you may be interested in: (more…)

The boy is back from camp. He had a phenomenal time. (Thank you, god.) His first away camp experience was exactly how it was supposed to be: he met a bunch of new kids, was crazy busy with activities, and was able to gain a little independence from momma in a safe environment. The camp he attended was through his church (the kids go to the local Methodist church with my mom and Grandma) and run by the pastor’s wife (also a teacher at his school) and the wonderful children’s pastor. I don’t attend church with them (this is my alone time to reflect and do whatever I need to do without kids around), but I love their church for the messages of peace, compassion, and tolerance that it teaches my kids.

On another subject, Jeff and I went with a bunch of his co-workers to see Joan Jett and the Blackhearts over the weekend. That woman kicks ass. Plain and simple. She’s this tiny thing that’s just as gorgeous as she was 20 years ago and plays even harder. She was so cool. We hung out with a bunch of drinkers, which was actually okay, except for one chick that got pretty sloppy. Good reminder of why I don’t drink….

Lots going on in our little family. My daughter’s horrific meltdowns have culminated in a sort of family reorg and spring cleaning. As the “baby” she is always the center of attention, but it’s a role she’s had to constantly work at…sometimes in a very negative way and often with Max as the sacrificial lamb. Jeff and I (along with the help of my parents) are trying to find some balance and really making our kids the priority. So we’ve juggled schedules and work days in order to take her our of school on Mondays and Fridays. Today was Abby and Daddy’s first Monday together. After the annual Children’s Fair, she took her very first gymnastics class. Father and daughter and getting to know each other a little better and spend some quality (and quantity) time together.

We all went out to the middle of nowhere yesterday and left my sweet, trusting son at camp waving sadly goodbye with tears in his eyes. It broke my heart, but I know (uh, because I already called to check) that he’s having a great time swimming, shooting arrows, sliding down the natural falls, and appreciating the beauty of nature. I think this will be a life changing week for him. Maybe not. At the very least, he’ll meet some new friends and get a little taste of independence. Holy crap, I can’t believe my baby is 10 and off at camp for a week. Wow.

Right now it’s all about the kiddos and getting our family back on track.

I hope everyone had a safe and sober (where applicable) Fourth of July. We had a low-key family day at home highlighted by a BBQ lunch on the lower deck over the river and some sparklers with the kids. Sadly, we’re so far away from civilization that it would be an all night ordeal to get the kids to fireworks. When Abby’s a little older, we’ll be able to do the whole parade and fireworks things, but she’s still a little young to be out so late. And, with her current temperament, a public meltdown in 100 degree whether an hour away from home is not a good way to keep mommy sober. Anyway, my grandma came out to the house with her friend (in a bright red, lovely convertible) and spent the afternoon with us. That was great. I always enjoy spending time with my grandma.

Max wasn’t really feeling well, but Abby was really into the holiday: had to wear read, white and blue; forced grandma to since patriotic songs over and over (for proof, see the video), stared lovingly at the flag…it was really cute.

In general, it was a nice, but weird day. I didn’t go to a meeting, but I did make contact with 4 alcoholics (2 in recovery and 2 practicing). My “friend” T continues to try and manipulate me and prey on my compassion for her. My husband has about had it. I won’t go into details, but it involves her special needs daughter and her shithead husband. I would be so over it if it didn’t involve her kids. Then there’s G who stayed sober for 2 months (with the help of the county) and just couldn’t make it another day. So we celebrate his birthday and pretend he doesn’t stick like beer and isn’t nodding off during lunch. It’s so boring. All of it.

I’m just glad to be sober.

After the Party

Originally uploaded by rustykeller.

I guess that Disneyland and 3 days of sugar high have finally taken their toll on Max. I had to bring him to work with me this morning. As you can see, he’s not much trouble. Gracie (the dog), however, might have a different opinion. Did I mention that this is the hyper child? No?

I finally made it to my home group meeting on Saturday. And not a moment too soon. Friday night saw me naively in the middle of a drug deal and the enabler of child abandonment. Yes, friends and family, I was stupid enough to believe that my alcoholic friend actually needed me. Turns out she needed a ride and a way to bail on her kids before her drunk husband came back. Let’s hope that I have finally learned my lesson: I can’t fix her and I can’t save her family. It is what it is.

In other news, we have survived the boy birthday sleepover, movie, and gaming extravaganza. Max’s birthday celebration has officially ended. He had an awesome time and much fun was had by all. And, I have to say, the boys were great at the movies and the fun center. They were a little jacked up on sugar by the time we got home, but they did a great job of staying out of trouble. Good kids.

BTW, the guy that co-chaired our meeting got sober in 1959. Dude. Frickin’ cool. My sponsor celebrates 40 years next month. I feel blessed to have so much recovery around me.

Did I mention that I’m leaving tomorrow morning at 5am with my 2 children and driving to Disneyland (aka the Happiest Place on Earth)? Yeah, just me. Not Jeff (he has to work).  My kids are awesome, but they have been known to be extremely obnoxious. Am I crazy for spending 2 days on the road alone with my children (”we think not”) or am I a good mother for taking them on a fun, summer trip? Hmmmm….good question.  We’ll be staying with the in-laws tomorrow night, meeting up with my aunt, cousin’s family (cousin, preggo wife, and darling son) in the LA-area and then meeting my Ps in Anaheim Friday night.

Now, don’t start taking bets on my sobriety quite yet. I think I’m up to this.