Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations.

-Edward De Bono

A couple of weeks ago, any post I would have written would have come out as either crazy mumbo jumbo or a rant that would scare any newcomer to sobriety. Now that I’m a little more stable <stop laughing>, I have half a chance of writing something coherent. Lucky you. :-) So, my friends, what does five years of sobriety look like? Better yet, how does it look compared to all of my wild expectations? Hmmm, each question lends itself to a very different answer.

Expectations. They are ridiculous. Or, should I say, my expectations for myself and those around me are ridiculous. Where I should be in my recovery – in my life – is right where I am. That’s not to say that I shouldn’t strive for betterment, enlightenment, progress. I do. But to place a certain quantifiable value on the quality of my life based on how many years I’ve been sober is just a little silly, isn’t it. And yet. I still do it. Worse yet, I still do it for other people, too. Obviously, this recovery thing is a process (oh yea, progress, not perfection). So annoying.

As I mentioned, a couple of weeks ago I was pretty batty. Hella crazy. Depressed and miserable. I won’t bore you with the details, but I will tell you that a lot of it came down to one thing: hormones. Melody had warned me years ago that unbalanced hormones can be the root of many medical problems. And that some mental/psychological issues can actually be medical problems caused by effed up hormones. Guess what. I had my hormones done and they are completely out of whack. Fast forward a couple of weeks and some progesterone and exercise later and I am no longer swimming around in the dark, murky poor me pond. Frankly, it’s a huge relief.

“So, where you at?” Well, I’m right here. There is drama, I can’t deny that. There is no getting around the fact that this economy sucks. Sucks. But, truthfully, I cannot even count the ways in which my life is blessed. How amazing that I get to be weird ole’ me in this fabulous world. My husband is awesome. My kids are thriving: despite the hormonal charges of impending puberty, my son is loving and sweet; my daughter loves school, loves basketball and soccer, and loves puppies. My family is loving and supportive of my recovery and my path. We are part of an amazing Sangha, to which I am able to lend my talents in the form of service. My company has launched a new family of connectivity products that has been well received by the industry. I joined the Master Recyclers program and am enjoying the challenge. I am an Eco-Consultant for a very cool and progressive company, Green Irene. Seriously, can it get much better?

If you found this site because you’re struggling with alcohol and trying to figure out what the hell is happening to you: hi and welcome! Please feel free to comment or ask questions. Please understand, though, that my experience and success has come from AA. There are other pieces to my puzzle, such as Buddhism, creativity, and health, but the core piece is the 12 steps. Not acupuncture, yoga, magic pills, SMART, religion, whatever. And, dude, if I can do it, anyone can.

Love, 
Rusty

Related posts:

  1. 12 Step Buddhist Retreat I know that I’ve mentioned many times that I am...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.