And then some days…
Some days I’ll be going along, minding my own business and I’ll suddenly be overwhelmed by the saddness that I can’t drink. Normal people don’t think like that. They don’t dress their kids for school, get to work, and suddenly it pops into their head that they’d really love a shot of tequila. Usually, it doesn’t bother me. I work my program and I’m not bothered by cravings or urges (or self pity). But sometimes it’s just there. That horrible, insidious thought: if only I could check out for a little while. If only I didn’t have to juggle my responsibilites, my lack of money, my job, my kids, my marriage, my fear. This is one of those days and this is one of those posts you’re not supposed to put out in public. Oh well, since noone seems to listen to me or give a shit about what I think about “this” or “that” this is my only outlet. This is all I have. Part of my program is accountability so I guess that this qualifies.
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Thank you, thank you, thank you for saying what’s on your mind…..it helps me no end to know other people think like I do! I’m listening - and I listen every day……
Thanks, Kelly. Sometimes it just helps me to get it out of my head. The real bonus is that someone else out there feels like I do sometimes.
It’s really nice to know that we’re not really alone, isn’t it?
I hear ya. Sometimes it just hits you out of the blue: oh a beer would be wonderful! Wait, I can’t do that. Cunning baffling & powerful indeed.
At my women’s meeting last night, the reading was about how we are not alone. I am grateful to be part of 2 wonderful communities: the knitting community and AA.